I must inform you of a horrible fact. Chick-fil-a, the beloved restaurant of the South, is guilty of a terrible crime. I know you find this hard to believe. “How could a store that sells such delicious chicken and is sponsored by such adorable cows do any such thing?” you might ask. Your illusions will crash. Dreams of fried chicken and waffle fries will shatter. The truth is
Chick-fil-a murders pens.
There, I’ve said it. Contain your shock – I can see you reeling from the horror of it. Perhaps you question my right to make such a statement. I myself am a witness to this grisly occurrence. On many occasions, I’ve seen perfectly innocent pens sent to undeserved deaths. Some of my own favorite pens have been subject to this sad fate. I’ve seen pens dropped from a terrifying height to unforgiving concrete, then to be crushed by massive vehicles. The broken, mangled body is simply left, defenseless to the parade of cars through the drive-thru. Others I’ve seen decapitated, their heads snapped clean off. Many more simply vanish, to what end no one knows. Some are kidnapped, cruelly stolen from their rightful caretakers, to a fate that is too horrible to even contemplate. All of these awful acts are ignored by Chick-fil-a, indeed, even condoned.
Tell me, can you in good conscience support a restaurant that allows such atrocities? Is your fried chicken fix really worth the death of a good pen? I beg you, consider it carefully. Make Chick-fil-a accountable for its cruelty!